We are survivors Hear us ROAR

I’m sure some of you have heard of or read the novel Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, or have you seen the movie starring Kristen Stewart. This movie is true and some of the sexual assault victims do not speak and become very anti-social. Me on the other hand I have managed to keep it a secret for 3 or 4 years. I was afraid to tell people because I was ashamed and embarrassed. I also felt less than like I was the reason I was involved in a date rape. After the rape I became even more cautious than I already was when I would hang out with friends or family I’m usually shaking or looking around everywhere because in the back of my mind I would be thinking, What if someone comes up behind me and tries to harm me? What if I get raped again, but in a different situation? I remember one day I went out on a date at a coffee shop {Starbucks to be exact} and I kept looking around, but specially behind me.I didn’t become anti-social after my date rape, but I did develop social anxiety. An example would be when I am at social gatherings I would be thinking to myself what if these people known I was raped? What if these people judged me based on that saying it was my fault?

Facebook is a place of judgement, opinions, and ignorance. I’ve witnessed a few rape opinions and photos from people who have probably not been raped. It shocks me that people post these things. Some people have stated it is the victims fault because he/she dressed a certain way, the location she was in or that she should’ve learned self-defense or if she did then she needed to use it. All of those statements are reasons why some victims don’t speak up and it is sad. I want to be honest here how someone dresses should NOT be a reason they get raped, no means no, always! When I see some of my Facebook friends or just people in general state their closed minded opinions it is a slap in the face! Also, learning self-defense may stop you from getting assaulted, but it can also make it worse. From my experience it was worse.

What if you were raped and there was no evidence and you end up killing the rapist? What happens to the survivors? In my opinion it is a lose-lose situation for the survivor/victim because if the rapist happens to get harmed or caught in the process there is no justice. Why tell the cops? Courts? Judges? Or lawyers?  Are there any people of authority on our sides?

As a rape survivor I get questons like:

-What were  wearing? Honestly, it doesn't matter what you wear a rapist will rape you if you have sweats on and completely covered. Showing skin or not doesn't not mean you have the rights to put hands on anyone.

-Do you know self defense? That also doesn't matter. Trying to fight off your attacker can make it worse and can possibly get you killed. I tried fighting off my attacker and he slammed my head into the wall made me dizzy and head hurt for a week straight.

Many people ask me what happened in details. All I remember was that we went out on a date. We went back to his house which was a room where he parked his car. We did have sex then afterwards I wanted to go home. He didn't want me to go yet he sugguested Anal Sex I told him no and I tried to leave and that is when he sexually assualted me. All I could remember was blood coming from my butt and me crying and telling him no, he then slammed my head against the wall. He didn't see me crying but he did ask if I was okay, I told him I wanted to leave and he let me go. All I could think was why did this happen to me.